You Restore Everything; A Reflection of The Year

Riding on the bus back from the hotel that I just spent New Years with my sisters in, I could not help but feel a kind of nervousness as I made my way back to my uncle's. So much flooded my mind like; where was I going to go in three days? I had to leave my uncle's on the fourth but I did not have anywhere lined up to stay. I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I whispered to God underneath my breath, "You told me to stay here and I don't feel the release yet to go back to Canada, so what next"? I told myself that I will stand boldly on faith even if that meant I might end up in the streets. However, I knew that was not likely because my Father would not allow that to happen, it was against His character. Calling me to stay, I knew that He would not leave me stranded but would make a way for me.

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" (Deuteronomy 31:8).  

 After spending the first few days of my new year stressing about where I was going to stay and trying not to have a emotional/mental breakdown. The day before I was supposed to leave I got a phone call from a pastor I met at the beginning of my stay, I told her my situation and said I was looking for a hotel. She told me I would do no such thing and she would ask another sister in Christ that I also knew if I could stay with her. I hesitated at first because I did not want to intrude in someone's space but she was more than willing and I am forever grateful. What I thought would be one or two days turned into a month and a couple of days before I left to go to Germany and then France to stay with my sister.

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"This will not end in death. No it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it" (John 11:4).

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It was hard to believe that I would see the glory of God in my life. I had no job, I was staying on someone's couch and I lived in the uncertainty of what my future might hold. It looked dark and it felt like hope had left me, I was just a shell going through the motion of life. However, God gave me His Word to carry me through, John 11, which seemed to follow me as I kept hearing it everywhere. In John 11 Jesus' friend Lazarus died and it seemed like all hope was gone for those around him. The sisters of Lazarus was even upset that Jesus did not come earlier to prevent their brother's death. But, Jesus assured them that Lazarus story would not end in death and that he allowed it to get to this point so that they would believe and see the ultimate glory of a God who can call dead things back to life. He was telling me in that time to believe that this was not the end of my story, God had something greater in store if I would not give up and only believe I would see His glory. 

I did not die in the pit of despair. The months following weren't any easier but throughout the year even to the point of finally coming back home in June, I started to see that God was restoring different parts of my life. I see how he has been restoring community, relationships, my Spiritual growth, hopes and dreams. I felt alone in my walk with God but He has started to surround me with people who are genuine, kind and want to see me thrive. He has healed me from the pain of past hurts from people and unattainable, lost dreams. I would have never imagined some of the friendships He has brought together, finding a church that I finally felt at home in or even being featured on a song but He is restoring everything. 

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"Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?... Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go" (John 11: 40, 44).

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A friend recently told me to start looking at my life as a living testimony. I still might not have everything together but anyone looking at my life can see the evidence of God's goodness and grace. I don't know what you might be going through in this time whether you are hopeful for what the new year might bring or not, but I encourage you to try your best to shift your gaze off of what didn't happen this year to what God has done in your life. Be hopeful in looking forward to your future because He does have one for you (Jeremiah 29:11), and just know that whatever is lost, impossible or feels broken beyond repair is nothing too hard for Jesus who has conquered death. This is a season of miracles, If only we believe and I pray that God increases our faith because as simple as that sounds, it's not. A year ending is not the end of your story. I pray that God turns your ashes (troubles) to beauty, your mourning to joy and your garment of despair to one of praise. 

Whenever this might be read, I pray that you truly have joyous New Year.

Love and God Bless,

 Star