The Cost of the Call

Living a life of faith is not easy... and I feel like we do not talk about that enough or the suffering that comes before the glory of it. 

I remember the moment I first felt God calling me to lead a life of holiness and righteousness before Him; it was then that a particular scripture was heavily put on my heart, Matthew 16:25. The verse says, "for whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it" (Matthew 16:25). And let me tell you that verse has been ever so true in my life but before I dive into my personal experiences, I want to look at the disciples. 

Before Jesus, the disciples had a life of their own. A number of them were fishermen and another was a tax collector. They were in the midst of doing "life as usual" until encountering Jesus who told them to leave all that behind and "follow him." The disciples did it without hesitation as they abandon what they were doing and immediately started following Jesus. They were excited about what laid ahead of them, as Jesus promised to make them far greater than just being fishermen, fisher of people. This is what we would call the "Great Call," not to be "fisher of people" but to follow Jesus. However, sometimes we get it confused by thinking that the calling is to be fisher of people or in other words make disciples, and it's not wrong! Jesus does tell the disciples to do that but it was not the initial thing he told them to do, it is a result of following him but this is not what I want to focus on, so that topic will be left for another blog. My focus is on the things that are not spoken... like what it cost them to leave everything behind and follow Jesus...

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"For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it"

(Matthew 16:25)
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I don't know if any of you have heard of or watched the series called "The Chosen," it's a dramatic adaptation of the life of Jesus and his disciples. I like the show because it gives even more context to the things the disciples and Jesus probably faced. For example, there were a couple of episodes that showed the challenges in Peter's marriage because he had to be absent from his wife a lot so that he can be with Jesus. Although these things are not shown in the bible, it get's you thinking... The disciples not only gave up their livelihood but also family and other obligations or responsibilities to go with Jesus and even though it is a great and honorable call it must have also been painful to leave it all behind.

I recall once telling a friend that ever since following Christ, it felt like I have been experiencing more of the suffering side than his glory. I felt ashamed to admit it but then I have come to realize that it's intentionally apart of the process. Just as Jesus picked up the cross and suffered, we must do the same. It says in Hebrews 12:2, "Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in a place of honor beside God's throne." What helped him to endure the suffering was the joy of knowing his expected end, which he has also given us: "for I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us" (Romans 8:18).

Before making the decision to truly follow Jesus, I thought I had a clear vision of my life but now that I think about it, I really didn't. However, I had a short-sided idea of how life would go: graduate university, find a job in the government and start "adulthood" and whatever it might consist of... This was not a bad plan and I am sure there were so many others with the exact same one, but it was not God's plan. It was not His special and carefully laid out purpose for my life, which He has shown me in many ways as I got closer to Him but it came at a cost. The cost was giving up my plans and will, and surrendering to His Will and timing. It's been painful, things have not been easy or have worked out the way I imagined, I have sowed a lot in tears and have faced many unseen battles. But, in the midst of it, I have come to know God as a provider, deliverer and sustainer. My "accomplishments" are nothing compared to knowing and following Christ. I would rather suffer in him than outside of him because I have the promise of overcoming and I know I wouldn't make it through the trials of life on my own.

As another year is coming to an end, I cannot help but reflect on it and the previous ones. I felt like I lost the vision for my life but in actuality it has become so much clearer and I know now that I am actually living for a purpose. The restoration God has brought into my life far surpasses anything I thought I had lost. I had anxiety about my future, wrestling to believe that God had a great plan for it... However, I am consistently assured that "Better is still yet to come," and so I press on in hope. One day when the time is right, I hope to share more deeper details of my journey and testimony. I encourage you if you haven't already to start taking the time to reflect on your year as well and prepare your hearts for the new one to come.